(A Daily Life of a Family Vlogger)
(baby cries and coos)
Parents: Awww! She's so beautiful!
(Mom pulls out the phone video camera and press record)
Mom: Hey-yo guys! Look at our money-err I mean, our beautiful baby we had!
Dad: Yeah, our child meant the whole world to us.
Mom: And today, ladies and gentlemen, we are about tell you about our baby, on where she eat, where she go, her medical diagnosis, and so many more. I know it's TMI, but I want to raise awareness about our child on what she's going through.
Dad: We're gonna be real and raw. No filters required!
Mom: Plus, I want the valida-I mean, we've been working so hard to keep our child safe and loved unconditionally, so I want you guys to join along with us.
Dad: I heard some people say they're gonna be weirdos on here and your child cannot consent, and blah blah blah (Mom rolls her eyes). Yeah, I'm well aware of that, but we got an amazing audience like you who love our journey and being very supportive with us.
Mom: Yeah, and to those "weirdos" who like to talk crap about our life even though they only see 5% of it, they seriously need to get a life. My child can consent anyway she wants to. If she didn't want to be in a video, fine. If she wants to, that's fine too, but don't come at us of how "she can't consent" because I'm pretty sure your momma can't consent of you of wearing a diaper at age 2. That's number 1. Number 2, what's wrong with a family sharing our lives with our kid? I'm not "exploiting" her. That's a weird conspiracy theory that you need get yourselves checked. And finally, our baby is the most cutest baby in the world. She deserved all the attention she's getting. Our fans loved her SO much. I hope that one day when she grows up, we can look back all the memories that we created for her, and she'll appreciate for capturing moments together.
So the people who had a problem with that, go eat a butt!
Dad: Wow! (Laughs) That's a sound bite.
Mom: Yeah, I can be feisty sometimes. Anyways, are ready to oversh-um...joining along, sweetheart?
Dad: Right, honey.
(Both wink together with a ca-ching sound effect)
Mom: Let's go, fam!
18 YEARS OF EXPLOTATION AND OVERSHARING LATER
Child:
YOU'RE RUINING MY LIFE!!
Dad: Hey! We're just trying to make you happy, sweetheart!
Mom:
MONEY!!!!! COME BACK!!!!!!
(Now that's a Daily Life of a Family Vlogger)
(srsly. stop following family vloggers)